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Coping with the Loss of a Pet
(When Being Strong Hurts More Than Grieving Can)
The death of a pet is
never an easy time. Whether it is an older animal, who may have been
a part of the family longer than most of the furniture and some of the
children, or a pet who has been with you for only a few years, the loss
can be truly traumatic. And if the end comes through a conscious decision
for euthanasia, other emotions become entangled with the basic sense
of loss. Once it's over, you may prefer to think that the experience
is behind you. Unfortunately, it is not.
There will be a hole in your
household and in your life for a while, and for the first part of that "while" the
hole may seem huge. There ARE ways to fill the gap. However, the loss itself
is not something you can simply ignore, assuming that your world will adjust
itself. Instead, you must deal with that something, just as you would deal
with the loss of any other good friend. Yes, it is a different kind of
relationship, but to behave otherwise is to try and change your attitude
in mid-stride. You cannot expect yourself to think of your pet as a friend
and then to dismiss those feelings as disposable because THIS friend happened
to be an animal. It is NOT silly to miss your pet, and it is NOT overly
sentimental to grieve.
Another difference lies in the
always complicated idea of "what happens next". Many people, especially
older folks, express a very real concern that they won't see their animals
in the next life (whatever that may be) because they have been told that
animals have no souls. Maybe you, like me, are a little unsure about what
exactly " the next life" holds for any of us. However, if having a soul
means being able to feel love and trust and gratitude, then aren't some
animals better equipped than a lot of humans?
But still, he was a pet and not
a person, and that makes it more complicated to sort out exactly what you
are supposed to do and feel. Although we recognize the individual personalities
in pets, that doesn't mean that they are just little people. The relationship
you have with your pet is different from any human relationship you may
have. We have the responsibility to care for animals and to learn from
them. As we domesticated pets, they became dependent upon us for their
needs. Part of caring for them, especially in a technologically advanced
society, often means deciding when an animal can no longer live a happy
life or even a content one.
When an animal is made a pet
by a responsible, caring person, he is being given exactly what he needs
and wants: his "creature comforts", companionship, and the opportunity
to return the favor through loyalty and affection. Dogs, especially, are
naturally eager to please the "leader of the pack", and the owner takes
on that role. So the dog is never happier than when he knows that he is
pleasing that person. When he is too old or too sick to respond in the
way HE thinks he should, he can't understand why and feels the anxiety
of failure.
Because their natural life-spans
are shorter than ours, we usually outlive our pets. However, the life you
shared cannot simply be abandoned. Don't deny yourself the thoughts, memories,
and feelings that your pet's life deserves. You may decide to fill the
hole with another pet. However, you can never replace the special bond
you held with the one who is gone.
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